A Saree with Stain & A Heart with Pain…

Yet again the beautiful prompt to think upon. And as usual I am late for my posting..anyways. Thanks Preeti to motivate and inspired me to write (although m not so good with English writing like u and others who are posting the articles here. J)

I am waiting for my Pre-ordered copy.

So here is another fiction story made out of my mind.

___________________________________________________________

 

A Saree with Stain & A Heart with Pain…

Some relationship remains UN-named. We do care, we do love them but due to the circumstances or society’s values we can’t accept them. If this relationship is sweet enough it would blossom always to cherish the lovely time you spent but if its vice-versa then it remains nothing but as the dark tea stain which remains forever… torturing you and rubbing salt on your wounds.

This evening I got a call from Tarun. He is planning to visit India soon. But this time it’s for our marriage then we would settle down in Chicago. I am stuck up with the project deadlines once I am done I would plan for the resignation.

I am back home little late today at 9 pm little disturbed and nervous. Everybody was having dinner so I got up fresh and joined them. They were discussing about my marriage date and Mandap decoration, gifts etc. I was eating peacefully…nothing to comment on. After all Tarun is their choice, their best friend’s ONLY Son that too NRI. He works for a biggest software company in IL (Chicago) and earns ample of money to spend a luxurious life. We know each other since years and he is a good guy but I never thought of becoming his wife ever. I still accepted his proposal. I finished dinner and went to my bedroom.

I went to bathroom again to attempt one more try washing the tea stain from my Saari that I was wearing yesterday for Seminar and then line it up for drying.  I then rested on my bed and I could still view the stain from the distance. I received HIS one more sms if I reached home safely and feeling fine. I read it twice giving a thought over past few months that we been together as a good colleague, good friends and good…….What would I call the relationship we share. He has become more than a friend now. Rishi and I are working on the same project for last 4 months. I do enjoy his company. He is funny, his talks makes me laugh. I like when his light brown eyes stares me…noticing my each move. Almost 15 hours a day we are together. It was like a daily routine of morning Chai at pantry (Off course I prepares as he likes) Lunch together, work together and at last he drops me back home saying it’s not safe to travel for a beautiful girl alone. He is a safe guy to be with so I never minded going in his car…But he is a jerk…flirts with me openly. I took it lightly in those initial days but later noticed his liking increased towards me . I like him too, anybody could. He is tall, fair, good physic..above also highly educated, talented, talkative, hard working and my Project Manager. A perfect boy any girl would like to have. I some time thinks why didn’t he appear a little early before my engagement. I could have accepted his proposal but the time has gone now so get back to work. I avoided the thought lingering in my mind.

In last one month he tried several attempts to confess his love to me but he could not…I didn’t force him since even I had no answer. I could neither say Yes or No to him We were running so busy to meet the deadlines. Till now we have the same routine of working together and dropping me back home whenever we are late. He said once “I love the moment when we meet in morning but I hate the moment when you gets down the car to say bye but I look forward for the next day morning again” His words touched my heart straight. I felt being special. I smiled and moved inside the society gate.

We had a seminar yesterday at Hotel Le Meridian. All girls decided for Sari and I choose wearing Peacock blue Sari with an elegant diamond pendent in my chain and matching ear rings. Few matching bangles and tied hair in a small clutcher. I should be enough honest to say Rishi was looking damn handsome in that black blazer which was just identical to his personality. He came walking towards us removing his goggles. By raising eyebrows in a surprise look he gazed at me from bottom to top and again top to bottom. This was the first time we’ve seen each other in diff but good outfits. As usual he complemented me so much that finally I made him shut his mouth. He giggled  “R u trying to impress me by wearing my favorite color? Ohh man you are looking awesome today. Anyways u don’t worry to try anything coz I am already fallen in love with you now”…How conveniently he said he loves me…shall I believe him or let it go?…I punched him hard in his stomach and let the said thing go…The entire day he was behind me only. Was staring at me from somewhere or the other. I feel little humiliate with his stupid activities and wished none of my other colleague would notice this or else it will be the hottest news tomorrow morning that we are a new love couple in office. By 6 pm we were done and planned to home. This was the first time we were going home on time.

As usual my so called driver Mr. Rishi was dropping me back home. As I walked towards the car he came upon to open up the door for me. He was so close to me that I could even smell his perfume. I was treated in an extra special manner today by this gentleman. He glimpse at me one more time when he came inside the car. This time I couldn't meet his eyes. I was little awkward. After a tiring hot day the idea to have ice cream sounded good so we stopped at the Ice parlor. I choose to have Black current and Butter scotch for my cone and Rishi had Mango and Pineapple. He offered me his cone to taste so as I did. We were talking about our families and friends and nothing about work. Rishi was still looking at me as if I am his girl friend. I could guess something fishy in his eyes.…soon after we finished the cones he interrupted saying if I have someone in my life…I knew he would ask this one day but does not want it at least today. But looks this time I had no escape. I replied honestly “YES, Engaged to Tarun Saxena some time back”. He showed me a sad smiley icon on his face and bend down his head on my shoulders with grief. At the very moment I felt his first closeness, first touch on my body, and his love touched me. I wanted to hug him from my side and accept my love for him but I balanced my emotions well in time. While driving he was so quite and depressed. (usually he cant keep quite for so long)

I thought may be today is the day for clarifying things between us. Resolve the issue of our relationship as we still have some time in hand. I told him we need to talk so we decided to go at his house (he stays with his 2 friends in this rented flat). He was still depressed till we reach home. His flat was so spacious with 3 bedrooms. He entered in his bedroom even before me to check if things are enough tidy to welcome me. His room was neat and clean far better than what I thought. Few business magazines kept on the table with some software programming books. There was a wardrobe and his single bed. There was also a treadmill. I wonder when he gets time for workout. The morning Tea cup was still lying at the table near his family photo. I said “hey that ur family snaps haan..ur mom looks pretty.” He grabbed some more photos and started introducing me to his family n friends. We were sitting so close that I could get a touch of his hand to my hand and his leg to my leg. I didn’t attempt to move a bit...I wonder why but I didn’t. I thought of having tea before we could start the serious conversation. Although his room-mates were not in, I still felt to be safe with him alone. I entered in kitchen and locate the things for making tea. (Its not really difficult finding things at bachelor’s house, especially for tea making)…When the tea was on flame and about to boil, I realized Rishi walking towards me slowly. Suddenly but gently he wrapped his hands around my waist and silently said “Please don’t leave me, I am badly in love with you that every time I see you and I am lost”. I closed my eyes tight leaving the pouring tea as it is. I could now feel his lips touching my shoulder while talking. I was breathing so fast, speechless. His breaths now reached to my hair that he made up free from the clip now. He turned me back facing him. He place his hands on my cheeks..my eyes were still closed when I realize his lips met mine so liberally. The tea already poured out leaving remarks on the kitchen table. Some tea dropped on the floor and some on my Saari too…unnoticed by us.

He continued caressing and loving me for some more time till I stopped in between when the though hit me as what we were doing? I pushed him back and ran towards the wash basin. I threw so much of water on my face. I questioned myself that I am engaged and how can I get involved in Rishi so much that we could have even cross our limits today. I realize the corner of my saree is wet with the poured tea I tried washing it, rubbed it hard but it has already got the marks…hard and stubborn. Tears rolled down my cheeks. What exactly I was trying to wash out… the stains or the feeling of love.

He was baffled with my behavior. He convinced me “Neha, pls don’t worry ..relax.. nothing has gone wrong...it was nothing but the way of expressing love. Don’t get panic pls. Sit here I will get you some water” but before he could come back I made a escape from his home. I didn’t trust myself anymore if we go any further, I would not be able to stop him this time…I left carrying the guilt and torment. My heart ache that I love Rishi unknowingly, that I prevent him from touching me, that I did injustice to Tarun mistakenly….this aching will kill me….

Today morning I was all nervous to face Rishi in office. I was puzzled. We involved ourselves in work avoiding much talking. During the tea time at pantry he asked me if I am ok now. After a little silence I replied “yes…” even though that was not true. He said further “Neha, you shouldn’t be bothered of what happened yesterday. Leave it. I am extremely sorry. I misunderstood but now realize you don’t love me and there is no point discussing further. I will never force you to love me in returns but I do and I will”. I could sense the disappointment in his words and felt so vulnerable. Tears gathered in my eyes as I was losing him even before winning. I was losing the one I loved from bottom of my heart. I took a back step just because I care for my family status and what society and people says…. My heart ache one more time that I couldn’t confess that I was in love too.

We have completed the project and he is flying to Canada soon for a new project. I am still mystified about our relationship. It still has no name.. Rishi’s lovely memories will stay in my heart… locked and unopened. I would still keep that Saari even though I will not be able to wear it again alike Rishi's love that can not be disclosed. The saari witnesses our love that evening. She still has the fragrance of his body. She still has a touch of his hands all over.

I am still stuck up in the mystery of love and commitment. The stains on my Saari remind the good time at the seminar but at the same time it also leaves me as a guilty coward.

Will Rishi’s existence also go faint in my life as the time passes by just as the stains from the saari? Or will it replaced by some big holes after getting so much rubbed and leaves impact for rest of my life?

A Saree can live with the stains but how will my heart lives with this pain???