Without You!

Without You!

I imagined my world without you

It’s difficult to cope

Its dark everywhere I see

And no way to elope

I am scared of losing you in this fight

How will I survive in those blue nights?

So let me just hold you tight

Or let me just absorb you tonight...

Wanna read your mind....

As I see you today

You are calm and peaceful

But deep inside your mind

I sense the lonely soul

Your dreams are shattered and that you lost hope

You are left with a heart strobe

But have faith,

Tomorrow’s sunshine has swathe

It will give you courage to take one more step

It will give you the lesson

To believe, To love, To trust

Just one more time.

I wish I could read your mind once

And feel this unspoken pain

I would just take the grief out

And your soul will get the route. 

My Beloved God, Kanha

When things changes bizarrely

And I will be left lonely

When my tears will go dry

And my path will go astray

Please be there for me, My Beloved God

Please hold my hands and

Show me the world of happiness,

Show me the smiling faces,

Assure me there are rays of hopes

Give me the vigor and the audacity

To believe in me and flow with the fantasy

So today I fold my hands

And beneath on knee

I surrender unto you solely

And request your mercy on me!

काही चारोळ्या...

चारोळी

तुझ्या अंगणातली फुले वेचताना
काही  वाऱ्यांनी उडून गेली
काही पायदळी तुडवून गेली
तुझ्या अंगणातली फुले वेचताना
ओंजळ कधीच भरली नाही...
*****************************************

काही भावना शब्दांत मांडता येत नाहीत
त्या डोळ्यांनीच बोलून जातात
डोळ्यांमधील त्या भावना
मग आपली ह्रुदयाच समजून  घेतात
*****************************************

वाटत तिथे कोणीच नसावं 
फक्त तू आणि मीच बसावं
त्या क्षितिजावरून होणारा सूर्यास्ताला
डोळे भरून पाहावं
*****************************************

पुन्हा तू मेघ दाटून आले
पुन्हा तो पाऊस बरसला
काही थेंब आकाशातून
तर काही माझ्या डोळ्यातून सांडवून गेला

*****************************************

मला खूप काही सांगायचे आहे
जे शब्दांचा पलीकडचे आहे
जमीनीवरून दाखवायचे आहे पण
आकाशा पलीकडचे आहे

समजून घेणार असशील
तर दाखवानाही सार्थ  आहे
निभावणार नसशील नातं हे
तर जगनही व्यर्थ आहे 

*****************************************

आठवणीत माझ्या कधी तरी येऊन जा
प्रेमाचा ओलावा थोडा तरी देऊन जा
स्पर्शाने तुझ्या मला फुलवून जा
मात्र जाता जाता मलाही सोबत घेऊन जा
*****************************************

तुझ्याशी खूप काही बोलायचे राहिलं
अर्ध्या वाटेवर तुला सोडावे लागलं
वाटतं हि वाट पुन्हा तुझ्याकडे घेऊन यावी
हृदयाची गुपितं अलगत तुझ्यापुढे उघडावी
*****************************************

आठवतो तुला तो पाऊस
आपल्या त्या पहिल्या भेटीचा
चिंब चिंब भिजताना
फक्त एकमेकांना पाहायचा
*****************************************

पहिले प्रेम असतंच असं
विसरायचं म्हणलं  तरी पुन्हा पुन्हा आठवायचं
सगळं आयुष्य त्याला लपवूनच ठेवायचं
पुढे पुढे जातानाही मागे वळून पाहायचं      
*****************************************

बोलावं म्हणालं  तर ऐकायला कोणी नाही
लिहावं  म्हणालं  तर शब्दही साथ देत  नाही
एकटीच बसून मग मनाला समजावलं
जगायचं आता ....कारण मृत्युही मुक्ती देणार नाही
*****************************************

चंद्राविना चांदण्या त्या
जणू एकट्याच उरल्या आहेत 
त्याचाविना अस्तित्व आपलं
पुन्हा शोधतच राहिल्या आहेत

*****************************************

हळुवार चमकताना त्या चांदण्या
तुझ्या आठवणीं झोळीत देऊन गेल्या
आपल्या प्रेमाच्या साक्ष देता देता  
प्रेमाने माझं हृदय भरून गेल्या
*****************************************










 

अशीच एक रात्र असावी...

अशीच एक रात्र असावी...फक्त चांदण्यांची
डोकावणाऱ्या  चंद्राचा मंद प्रकाश पडावा
वारा हळूवार आपल्याला स्पर्श करावा
जणू त्याचा अस्तित्वाची जाणीव करून जावा....

अशीच एक रात्र असावी...जिथे कोणीच नसावं
तुझ्या मिठीत जाताना मी स्वतःलाच विसरावं...
माझ्या केसांसोबत तू उगीचच खेळावं
हळूच मग माझ्या मिठीत तूही सामावून जावं...

अशीच एक रात्र असावी...प्राजक्तांचा फुलांची
आपल्या प्रेमासोबत त्यांनीही फुलायाची...
सर्वत्र त्या फुलांचा सडा पडावा
आठवणीत मग त्यांचा सुवास दरवळत राहावा...

अश्याच एका  रात्रीची मी वाट पाहत आहे
त्यांचा सहवासाने मला फुलायचे आहे...
चांदण्या रात्री,प्राजक्तांच्या फुलांनी नाहायचे आहे
अश्याच एका रात्रीची मी वाट पाहत आहे...

Arnesh’s First day at school

I was very excited as well as nervous for my son Arnesh’s first day at school. Although it was a Play school for 3 hours a day, I was pretty worried if he would stay without me.

I still remember at the first day I packed his Tiffin and the water bottle in his tiny winy school bag on which the picture of his favorite Doreamon is.  I dressed him up and started walking towards the school. I spent enough time to convince him that he will enjoy the schooling, surrounded with lots of new friends and toys to play too. And now that he has grown up he will have to attend school so as to become as powerful and talented as his father. 

His eyes were already in tears by the time we reached to the main door of “Tiny tots Play school”. I again comforted him saying I will stay outside and will wait for him till he finishes playing here.

As Teacher allowed I entered in and took my son all around the school. Basically we stay in the company’s colony and this school is in the premises only.  This is actually a spacious 3 BHK flat which they have turned into the play school. It’s very well decorated. It has white marble flooring and all the walls are beautifully painted with flowers, fruits, animal and other interesting things.  They also have the cabinets for kids to keep their belongings.  One room is loaded with lotsssss of toys…from big to small….anything and everything that a child wants to play with…They also have a Sea-Saw and a Slide & ladder placed in the garden area along with a Rocking horse and small cars to drive.  I felt it is really a fantasy land for kids. Other room has all dining arrangements with small round shape tables and small colorful chairs around to sit comfortably and enjoy snacks time. Arnesh actually forgot crying and was looking here and there with curiosity. And the last room is called Musical room. It has instruments like Piano, Drum, Guitar and a music system. They play rhymes or sometime some good music for kids to dance upon. The biggest room (which is actually a living room) is their main classroom with beautiful colorful chairs neatly arranged.

I was very happy looking at the overall school and was sure my son would like to play and study here. At the same moment I heard a gentle and caring voice from behind and it was none other than the Teacher. A middle age women, little short and stout, big eyes and fair in complexion, wearing Saree and a big Bengali style bindi placed on forehead. She smiled affectionately towards us and shook hands with my son asking him his name.  Just then it was the time to start the class and I had to handover my son to her and move out. Although he was crying, I had no choice. This was the very first time I let my son at the new place with new people around but I found his teacher very motherly treating all kids in a nice way and I was rest assured that he will be comfortable and will be taken care of.

I decided to wait in the garden area till the school time is over. I could still hear few kids crying out loud and my heart kept speculating if my son is one of them.  It was a real sunny morning with almost 40 Deg. temperatures but I hardly bothered it. I spent those two hours chatting with family and friends and some mobile games. And finally the waiting was over. As soon as the school gate was opened than all the kids came out running as fast as they can and started locating their Mommy OR Daddy. I came forward waiting for my son to exit but he was the last one to come out. It was a loving moment to see his expression when he found me standing at the door. He ran towards me holding his school bag and wearing the water bottle around his neck. He threw the bag on floor and hugged me so tight. Looking at his mystery eyes I knew exactly how he felt at the first time. We met as if it’s been long time that we have departed. I wish to say him “That I am always here for you and will always be”.  His Teacher Das Mam caught us and said “Arnesh is a real good boy and he promised me that he will never cry now on” She laughed when my son said that “I will cry little bit today and will not cry tomorrow onwards.  

As the days passed, I could notice his liking towards the school has increased and he also learnt many good things. Till the last day he never forgot to give me a flying kiss and also instruct me to come on time to pick him up.

I clicked his pics without fail on the first day of school which is attached herewith.  So when one day he would happen to see this photo he would surely enjoy.

Das mam also shared her experience with kids and now she is so used to be with them. Sometime playing, studying, and also dancing. She is really a motivating, down to earth lady and so lovable towards kids. She has an affectionate smile and I have never seen her getting angry with any single parents. Through out the year we almost chat daily on the way back to home. She never forgets to update any parents on their child’s progress. My son was her most favorite student and always used to sit in the front row. And she was a favorite teacher for almost all the kids in the Play school.

Time flies and we don’t even realize how?? The Play school is over. The toy room, the music room and the play school will not be there anymore. He left them behind & entered into a big world of competition. Arnesh’s fav “Saree wali teacher Aunty” will not be there in the new school and I am sure he will miss her. 

My son and his friends are in DAV Public School now. I don’t know if they would remember the best time spent in “Tiny tot Play School”. The Teacher have not only taught them ABCD but also the manners and disciplines. May be this is the reason why I am being forced to write and collect the sweet memories together so that one fine day Arnesh will read, recall and enjoy them.

I don’t remember my first teacher but will always remember Das mam, My son’s first teacher for the rest of my life.

A sincere Thanks to her for all her efforts and contribution made and her endless LOVE.

*************************************************************************************

A Saree with Stain & A Heart with Pain…

Yet again the beautiful prompt to think upon. And as usual I am late for my posting..anyways. Thanks Preeti to motivate and inspired me to write (although m not so good with English writing like u and others who are posting the articles here. J)

I am waiting for my Pre-ordered copy.

So here is another fiction story made out of my mind.

___________________________________________________________

 

A Saree with Stain & A Heart with Pain…

Some relationship remains UN-named. We do care, we do love them but due to the circumstances or society’s values we can’t accept them. If this relationship is sweet enough it would blossom always to cherish the lovely time you spent but if its vice-versa then it remains nothing but as the dark tea stain which remains forever… torturing you and rubbing salt on your wounds.

This evening I got a call from Tarun. He is planning to visit India soon. But this time it’s for our marriage then we would settle down in Chicago. I am stuck up with the project deadlines once I am done I would plan for the resignation.

I am back home little late today at 9 pm little disturbed and nervous. Everybody was having dinner so I got up fresh and joined them. They were discussing about my marriage date and Mandap decoration, gifts etc. I was eating peacefully…nothing to comment on. After all Tarun is their choice, their best friend’s ONLY Son that too NRI. He works for a biggest software company in IL (Chicago) and earns ample of money to spend a luxurious life. We know each other since years and he is a good guy but I never thought of becoming his wife ever. I still accepted his proposal. I finished dinner and went to my bedroom.

I went to bathroom again to attempt one more try washing the tea stain from my Saari that I was wearing yesterday for Seminar and then line it up for drying.  I then rested on my bed and I could still view the stain from the distance. I received HIS one more sms if I reached home safely and feeling fine. I read it twice giving a thought over past few months that we been together as a good colleague, good friends and good…….What would I call the relationship we share. He has become more than a friend now. Rishi and I are working on the same project for last 4 months. I do enjoy his company. He is funny, his talks makes me laugh. I like when his light brown eyes stares me…noticing my each move. Almost 15 hours a day we are together. It was like a daily routine of morning Chai at pantry (Off course I prepares as he likes) Lunch together, work together and at last he drops me back home saying it’s not safe to travel for a beautiful girl alone. He is a safe guy to be with so I never minded going in his car…But he is a jerk…flirts with me openly. I took it lightly in those initial days but later noticed his liking increased towards me . I like him too, anybody could. He is tall, fair, good physic..above also highly educated, talented, talkative, hard working and my Project Manager. A perfect boy any girl would like to have. I some time thinks why didn’t he appear a little early before my engagement. I could have accepted his proposal but the time has gone now so get back to work. I avoided the thought lingering in my mind.

In last one month he tried several attempts to confess his love to me but he could not…I didn’t force him since even I had no answer. I could neither say Yes or No to him We were running so busy to meet the deadlines. Till now we have the same routine of working together and dropping me back home whenever we are late. He said once “I love the moment when we meet in morning but I hate the moment when you gets down the car to say bye but I look forward for the next day morning again” His words touched my heart straight. I felt being special. I smiled and moved inside the society gate.

We had a seminar yesterday at Hotel Le Meridian. All girls decided for Sari and I choose wearing Peacock blue Sari with an elegant diamond pendent in my chain and matching ear rings. Few matching bangles and tied hair in a small clutcher. I should be enough honest to say Rishi was looking damn handsome in that black blazer which was just identical to his personality. He came walking towards us removing his goggles. By raising eyebrows in a surprise look he gazed at me from bottom to top and again top to bottom. This was the first time we’ve seen each other in diff but good outfits. As usual he complemented me so much that finally I made him shut his mouth. He giggled  “R u trying to impress me by wearing my favorite color? Ohh man you are looking awesome today. Anyways u don’t worry to try anything coz I am already fallen in love with you now”…How conveniently he said he loves me…shall I believe him or let it go?…I punched him hard in his stomach and let the said thing go…The entire day he was behind me only. Was staring at me from somewhere or the other. I feel little humiliate with his stupid activities and wished none of my other colleague would notice this or else it will be the hottest news tomorrow morning that we are a new love couple in office. By 6 pm we were done and planned to home. This was the first time we were going home on time.

As usual my so called driver Mr. Rishi was dropping me back home. As I walked towards the car he came upon to open up the door for me. He was so close to me that I could even smell his perfume. I was treated in an extra special manner today by this gentleman. He glimpse at me one more time when he came inside the car. This time I couldn't meet his eyes. I was little awkward. After a tiring hot day the idea to have ice cream sounded good so we stopped at the Ice parlor. I choose to have Black current and Butter scotch for my cone and Rishi had Mango and Pineapple. He offered me his cone to taste so as I did. We were talking about our families and friends and nothing about work. Rishi was still looking at me as if I am his girl friend. I could guess something fishy in his eyes.…soon after we finished the cones he interrupted saying if I have someone in my life…I knew he would ask this one day but does not want it at least today. But looks this time I had no escape. I replied honestly “YES, Engaged to Tarun Saxena some time back”. He showed me a sad smiley icon on his face and bend down his head on my shoulders with grief. At the very moment I felt his first closeness, first touch on my body, and his love touched me. I wanted to hug him from my side and accept my love for him but I balanced my emotions well in time. While driving he was so quite and depressed. (usually he cant keep quite for so long)

I thought may be today is the day for clarifying things between us. Resolve the issue of our relationship as we still have some time in hand. I told him we need to talk so we decided to go at his house (he stays with his 2 friends in this rented flat). He was still depressed till we reach home. His flat was so spacious with 3 bedrooms. He entered in his bedroom even before me to check if things are enough tidy to welcome me. His room was neat and clean far better than what I thought. Few business magazines kept on the table with some software programming books. There was a wardrobe and his single bed. There was also a treadmill. I wonder when he gets time for workout. The morning Tea cup was still lying at the table near his family photo. I said “hey that ur family snaps haan..ur mom looks pretty.” He grabbed some more photos and started introducing me to his family n friends. We were sitting so close that I could get a touch of his hand to my hand and his leg to my leg. I didn’t attempt to move a bit...I wonder why but I didn’t. I thought of having tea before we could start the serious conversation. Although his room-mates were not in, I still felt to be safe with him alone. I entered in kitchen and locate the things for making tea. (Its not really difficult finding things at bachelor’s house, especially for tea making)…When the tea was on flame and about to boil, I realized Rishi walking towards me slowly. Suddenly but gently he wrapped his hands around my waist and silently said “Please don’t leave me, I am badly in love with you that every time I see you and I am lost”. I closed my eyes tight leaving the pouring tea as it is. I could now feel his lips touching my shoulder while talking. I was breathing so fast, speechless. His breaths now reached to my hair that he made up free from the clip now. He turned me back facing him. He place his hands on my cheeks..my eyes were still closed when I realize his lips met mine so liberally. The tea already poured out leaving remarks on the kitchen table. Some tea dropped on the floor and some on my Saari too…unnoticed by us.

He continued caressing and loving me for some more time till I stopped in between when the though hit me as what we were doing? I pushed him back and ran towards the wash basin. I threw so much of water on my face. I questioned myself that I am engaged and how can I get involved in Rishi so much that we could have even cross our limits today. I realize the corner of my saree is wet with the poured tea I tried washing it, rubbed it hard but it has already got the marks…hard and stubborn. Tears rolled down my cheeks. What exactly I was trying to wash out… the stains or the feeling of love.

He was baffled with my behavior. He convinced me “Neha, pls don’t worry ..relax.. nothing has gone wrong...it was nothing but the way of expressing love. Don’t get panic pls. Sit here I will get you some water” but before he could come back I made a escape from his home. I didn’t trust myself anymore if we go any further, I would not be able to stop him this time…I left carrying the guilt and torment. My heart ache that I love Rishi unknowingly, that I prevent him from touching me, that I did injustice to Tarun mistakenly….this aching will kill me….

Today morning I was all nervous to face Rishi in office. I was puzzled. We involved ourselves in work avoiding much talking. During the tea time at pantry he asked me if I am ok now. After a little silence I replied “yes…” even though that was not true. He said further “Neha, you shouldn’t be bothered of what happened yesterday. Leave it. I am extremely sorry. I misunderstood but now realize you don’t love me and there is no point discussing further. I will never force you to love me in returns but I do and I will”. I could sense the disappointment in his words and felt so vulnerable. Tears gathered in my eyes as I was losing him even before winning. I was losing the one I loved from bottom of my heart. I took a back step just because I care for my family status and what society and people says…. My heart ache one more time that I couldn’t confess that I was in love too.

We have completed the project and he is flying to Canada soon for a new project. I am still mystified about our relationship. It still has no name.. Rishi’s lovely memories will stay in my heart… locked and unopened. I would still keep that Saari even though I will not be able to wear it again alike Rishi's love that can not be disclosed. The saari witnesses our love that evening. She still has the fragrance of his body. She still has a touch of his hands all over.

I am still stuck up in the mystery of love and commitment. The stains on my Saari remind the good time at the seminar but at the same time it also leaves me as a guilty coward.

Will Rishi’s existence also go faint in my life as the time passes by just as the stains from the saari? Or will it replaced by some big holes after getting so much rubbed and leaves impact for rest of my life?

A Saree can live with the stains but how will my heart lives with this pain??? 

One Glance...One Love

One glance from you makes my heart sings,
One glance from you, and I fly without wings..

One look from you, and I want to be in your arms,
You've held me captive, with your magic and charms..

One breath of yours, as fragrant as a rose,
Has scented my body, I feel you whenever my eyes close..

One touch of yours sets my body ablaze,
It melts me to the core, and my heart begins to race..

One tear from your eye, makes my soul cry,
My heart begins to ache, to wipe your tears dry..

One smile of yours, makes my heart dance,
All of the day through, I keep waiting for your glance..

One love from you, ensures me that you care,
One love is all we need sweetheart, and one love is what we share . .

True Friendship!

You are my special friend
With whom I needn't pretend
You're always there when I need you
Just like a sweetest friend

I didn't think I'd trust anyone
The way that I trust you
But you have this way about you
And know how to get through

I've told you things I've only thought about
Of silent dreams I couldn't let out
Of life, emotions and trivial things
Such things of which happiness brings

I tell you if I am sad, or simply just confused
You're always there to listen, but never to be used
You tell me your secrets and what you're going through
You're always there for me as I am for you

Your friendship is a special gift
A lifetime it will last
Look to the future now 

and never to the past
 

New people you will meet, and many things you will do
But pls never forget me, because I'll never forget you . . 

A Lesson from Life

 

Life has taught me to Smile

even when I lost something very mine

Life has taught me to bring success

even when I failed in many ways

It has taught me to try

and never give up 

even when I broke down

Life has cheered me up

 

 

It has taught me to bring smiles for others

even though my eyes were in full of tears

It taught me to find my happiness in their joy

even though my heart being played as a toy

 

Life has taught me......

To learn and to grow

To succeed and to win

Not just for me but

for those who are all mine.